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No, Dean, you can't chop me off at the ankles to make us the same height!

Supernatural reminded us this week that the truth doesn't just hurt, it occasionally kills. And it seems everyone has a secret or two, from illicit pedicures to inappropriate sex to the ability to shrug off truthiness because something is very, very wrong. Uh-oh!

Harsh truths
A spate of suicides and grisly murders rock a small town, and the boys think it may be their sort of thing. It seems each of the victims got an earful of unpleasant truth -- everything from "you're a burden and we wish you'd kill yourself" to "I banged (or possibly raped) your teenage daughter." And it gets weirder: All of those who died from the truth-whammy have disappeared from the morgue.

The boys discover patient zero, who hadn't shown up as a suicide because she died in a car crash. She'd been depressed because her cat died, and she was convinced her boyfriend was cheating on her, but he wouldn't confess. But once she combined her cat's skull with a secret blend of herbs and spices, she summoned Veritas, the goddess of truth -- and she discovered that the whole truth can hurt. Ever since, anyone who's asked aloud for the truth has gotten it -- and then some.

Find out the harsh truth about Sam, Lisa and Bobby's toenails after the jump!

Be careful what you wish for…
Unfortunately, Dean asks for the truth. Is it an accident? Did he do it on purpose? We kind of think it was an accident (they hadn't found poor Mittens yet), but he's perfectly happy to put the truth curse to work for him. He goes to interrogate Sam, but first he has to run the gauntlet of truths both squicky (Bobby gets pedicures and loves to have his toes manipulated) and heartbreaking (Lisa thinks the Winchester boys have the least healthy relationship she's ever seen, and she knew her and Dean's relationship was over the moment she found out Sam was back from the dead. Dean needn't bother coming back home.)

But all that pain is worth it when Dean gets to ask Sam why he let Dean get turned, and Sam confesses he didn't -- he just froze up. Dean is skeptical, but Sam reminded him that he's physically incapable of lying at the moment. So yay! Everything is awesome and back to normal, right? Right?

Then why are we not convinced?

Ferreting out the truth
The boys figure out that Veritas has taken the form of a TV consumer affairs reporter, and pay her a visit armed with knives dipped in dogs' blood. Unfortunately, Veritas gets the drop on them and decides to play a little game of Truth or Truth while she munches on raw human tongues (ewwww…). She asks Dean how he really feels about Sam, and Dean admits that until yesterday, he thought Sam aas a monster and wanted to kill him in his sleep. Now that he reassured Dean while under the truth whammy, it's all good. Oh, and Dean wasn't really lying to himself about wanting a family, but he realizes that Hunting is his life's calling and there's no getting out of it.

Then she asks Sam how he feels about the band getting back together, and Sam tells her that what they do is hard, but they watch out for each other and that's all that's important. "That's it, that's the truth," he tells her, but she is horrified. "No, no it's not. How are you doing that? That's not possible, you're lying to me. What are you?" She wheels on Dean. "What is he?"

Sam picks this moment to cut through his bonds and attack Truth. Dean manages to get free and they stab Veritas to death. So it's all good, right?

Not so much. Dean turns on Sam with a knife. Sam pleads that it's really him, but Dean isn't buying it. So Sam confesses:

Sam: She was right. There's something wrong with me, really wrong. I've known it for a while. I lied to you, yeah, and I let you get turned by that vamp, because I knew there was a cure, Dean, and we needed in that nest and I knew you could handle it!
Dean: Handle it! I could have died. I could have killed Ben!
Sam: And that should stop me cold, but… I just don't feel it. Ever since I came back, I am a better hunter than I've ever been. Nothing scares me anymore, because I can't feel it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think … I need help.

Dean considers Sam for a minute, then he puts down the knife. And then? Then he beats the crap out of Sam, pounding him again and again until Sam is bloody and unconscious. Then he punches Sam a few more times for good measure. We're guessing Dean isn't entirely happy about this development…

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• On the one hand, we're glad to get some idea of what is going on -- Sam is completely without empathy, or any feeling whatsoever, and that's why he's all wonky. On the other hand, although it's been a while since Psych 101, we kind of think that's the textbook definition of a psychopath.

• We got about five minutes of Cas this week, and while we were glad to see him, we wish there had been more of a reason for him to stick around. He was able to tell us that Lucifer was still in the cage, and that it wasn't Gabriel's Horn of Truth that was causing the mayhem. He also mentions that "certain… regrettable things are now required of me" in the celestial war, but he pledges to "make inquiries" about Sam's condition.

• The first time Dean talks to Bobby, the Great Bearded One mentioned a worst case scenario.
  Dean: What, that Satan is my co-pilot? Yeah, I know.
  Bobby: Well, that'd be the other worst case.
  Dean: Well then what?
  Bobby: Maybe it's just Sam.
  Bobby really does know everything!

• We were wondering where they were going to go with truth-whammied Bobby, since he's never really been likely to pussyfoot around to spare the boys' feelings, and anyway, he got most of his frustration off his chest in "Weekend at Bobby's." So we were happy they went the comic-relief route -- we never would have picked Bobby as a Tori Spelling fan. We also loved this: "I never told anyone that. Why'm I telling you? Maybe 'cause you're my favorite," [Dean breaks into a smarmy "well, of course!" grin.] "Although Sam's a better Hunter, lately anyway." [Deans grin disappears]

• We also loved cleavage girl at the bar: "I'm sitting like this so you'll look at my breasts. I just bought them. I need a LOT of attention." And of course, Dean obliges. Such a gentleman!

• More evidence (if we needed it) that Sammy ain't right: "And that's?" "Dog blood." "Do I even want to know where you got that?" "Probably not." The Sammy WE knew wouldn't be draining puppies without a second thought…

• Most heartbreaking moment for us: Hearing Dean say that he thought psychopathic, non-empathetic, user Sam was "just acting like me." Dean, you could put on a brave face of callousness, but we never thought you didn't feel what was happening to those around you. We totally buy that Sam isn't feeling anything.

• Is it just us, or were the camera folks emphasizing the height difference between the boys this week instead of minimizing it? Usually, they take pains to make Sam look a bit taller than Dean, but not so much like he's looming over his brother. This week, the whole half-a-foot difference was very obvious. (Yes, we know their bios say Jensen is 6' and Jared is 6'4", but we suspect Jensen adds and inch and Jared subtracts an inch.)

• Props to Veritas for the "Natural Born Killers" shout-out!

• We had to laugh when we discovered that Veritas loves cats and hates dogs. Makes sense -- cats are completely open about their contempt for even the people who feed them, while dogs make everyone feel good about themselves. However, just owning a cat doesn't make one prone to suicidal depression and unpleasant truths, ok? Our kitties are our friends!

  What did you think? Could you handle the truth? Were you surprised by Sam's confession, or did you want more? Did Bobby's overshare freak you out? Did Lisa's goodbye shock you, or were you just waiting for it to happen? Talk about it in the comments!

  Posted by Sarah at 4:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Hi, everyone, We had some problems with our podcast host, which weren't ironed out til today. HOWEVER, now that THAT'S taken care of, we've got your One Tree Hill podcast -- just in time for Halloween! We're so sorry for the delay, and we thank you for your patience!

Listen Now
Happy Halloween from One Tree Hill, which gave us what may be the greatest opening scene this show has ever had: Zombie fighting, misidentified monsters, Brooke and Julian kickboxing the undead, and Jamie turning evil in the end. Awesome! Plus, there's costumes, mom drama, realizations, revelations, itty bitty pumpkins, scary clowns, impressive pranks, and all the family drama that we look forward to on this show.

Check us out in iTunes and subscribe if you like what you hear:

Now you can add us as a friend on Facebook!

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Is everyone worth saving? Nikita thinks so, and this week she extended her helping hand to a misguided Division recruit named Sara. Unfortunately, as Miss N has learned in the past, not everyone welcomes her attempts at generosity. Some need a little push and, as it turns out, Sara was one of that stripe. No worries, though, we all know how convincing our girl can be. This week, she showed us once again her many powers of persuasion.

Befriending the Recruit
Alex has been doing a great job of keeping Miss N in the loop, and this week was no exception. After befriending Sara in a fight training exercise, Alex learned that Division had chosen her new comrade for their latest mission. Because Sara was one of the less-skilled recruits, Alex became concerned and relayed her distress to Nikita. This was all too familiar territory to the wise Nikita who quickly figured out that Division was sending the gullible girl on a suicide job. Alex, of course, was not too thrilled by this revelation and immediately tried to gather the particulars from Sara. Unfortunately, a brief meeting with Percy had strengthened Sara’s loyalty and she made no plans to give up the goods. Alex, though, had one keen eye and was still able to get a glimpse at some useful details to give to her insightful partner. Now it was Miss N’s turn to step in and try to refocus the ill-advised youth.

Read on for Nikita excellent recruit-handling skills after the jump!

Rallying the Recruit
Getting Sara to see the light was not going to be easy for Miss N. The Division masters had done a great job of convincing her that her assignment to infiltrate an environmental group was of the utmost importance. They began by having her film a protest video pretending to be one of their loyal members. Then, she was sent to a local gathering to demonstrate her belief in the cause and this is where the real action was supposed to happen. She was, unknowingly, wearing an explosive vest that they planned to detonate as she neared the target. Fortunately for her, Miss N was hot on her trail and was able to scramble the signal, remove the vest and in one fell swoop, get it to explode under Division’s communication van. This, though, was not enough to change Sara’s allegiance. Miss N still had work to do, so she took Sara to where she takes all her reluctant rescues…her hideout.

Tracking the Recruit
After a firm talking to and a few other compelling strategies, Sara seemed to be coming around. She revealed to Nikita that her true devotion was not to Division but to a child she reluctantly gave up as a teenager. The child was sold by her drug addict parents to a crooked lawyer who then put him up for adoption. Nikita tried to persuade Sara to forget the past, even setting her up with new false identities. Sara, though, had no intention of forgetting anything and used the first opportunity to escape from Nikita’s clutches. But a runaway recruit, as you suspect, is not a hard track for Nikita and she quickly picked up Sara’s scent. Michael also had no problems finding the girls and their meeting soon erupted into a fierce gun-battle. To Nikita’s surprise, though, Michael abruptly left mid-fray allowing her to easily grant Sara her long-lost freedom.

Recruit on a Rampage
For all you inquisitive minds, it was a recruit back at headquarters that caused Michael to make such a hasty exit. Turns out, one of Alex’s other latest comrades, Robbie, had a bit of breakdown and started taking out Division guards. Robbie, as we learned early on in the episode, had big dreams of being a Division field agent and was majorly disappointed when Amanda announced, at his graduation, that he was going to be serving as internal security. This news sent him into the rampage but he was eventually taken down by Alex and later exterminated by Division.

Somehow, Robbie's freak-out had an effect that Alex was unaware of. After Amanda realized that Robbie could kill with little remorse, she decided to reassign him to the glamorous position of cleaner. Guess, Nikita was right…everyone deserves to be saved!

Posted by Rachel Sulprizio at 3:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

We love this show. Oh, The Vampire Diaries, how you taunt us with your twists and turns! And how we love every second of it. This week we were gifted with our beautiful vampires and the impossibly good looking humans they love at a masquerade ball at the Lockwood's. It's amazing how everyone is 42% sexier in cocktail wear and masks. They really were fabulous masks.

This episode was all about killing Katherine. In on the plot were Damon, Stefan, Jeremy (who, btw, has mysteriously become surprisingly hot), Caroline, Bonnie, and Alaric. What amuses us, as we may have mentioned before, is that they think that Katherine can be trifled with. She's generally five steps ahead of them at every turn.

So Katherine's got a friend named Lucy. Who...is a witch. Of course she is. We're generally inclined to like anyone named Lucy, but disinclined to like anyone in Katherine's close circle, so we were confused about what to think about her -- particularly when we found out why she had been summoned. Katherine may not have known about the specifics of the plot to kill her, but she was prepared for Mystic Falls stabby shenanigans in any event.

Follow us after the jump for the rest of our recap!

Before we get into specifics, we feel like we have to give Katherine props for being so perfectly slinky and evil and gorgeous in this episode. When she was dancing with Stefan in their unrealistically fabulous masks they were so pretty together we were sorry the moment had to end.

So we loved the plot to kill Katherine. It was really well thought out and executed. Starting with the transparent (and false) ruse with Jeremy to lure her out to the lake, then causing her to hunt down Caroline to find out what the boys were up to...so that Caroline would lead her to the room onto which Bonnie put an entrapment spell...so that the boys could play their favorite game of pin the stake on the Katherine. But silly kids, Trix are for really old vampires! Why would they not consider that Katherine would have a back up plan, hmmm?

Making her own Bennett witch work a spell so that Elena would feel everything that Katherine felt was nothing short of genius. What's a doppelganger for if not to take your pain? It's like having your very own proxy voodoo doll. We want to know where we can sign up for one of those, actually.

How delicious it was watching Damon and Stefan struggle to shank Katherine with their copious supply of wooden stakes. Comical, even. We know she's bad and all, and we're not really rooting for her, but a teeny tiny part of us loves it when a wisp of a girl is stronger, faster, and generally more kick-ass than the strapping young men in her midst. And what flair she has. We dug her stake-fu.

Elsewhere in the cavernous Lockwood Mansion, we were really worried about the hapless Matt. Note that even he looked more sexy than goofy with that mask + tux combo. We are quite fond of Matt, and of Caroline who cares about Matt, so it distressed us that he was launched into the drunken suicide mission of Make-Tyler-A-Werewolf. We felt a twinge of guilt when drunk party girl #2 died instead of Matt, but we were admittedly relieved when our innocent friend was spared. And oh yeah, now Tyler's a werewolf (finally!)

Back to Katherine's chess game to stay alive. She trumps the boys' impulse to pierce her all over like so many marinating flank steaks by making Elena suffer as she suffers. She's so evil when she goads Stefan with taunts about Damon being in love with Elena! We loved it. Particularly since it's true. Then Bonnie finds her cousin in the crowd, Katherine's witch, Lucy. Lucy convinces her that they have the same high midichlorian count, thereby convincing Bonnie to fork over the moonstone.

Oh noes! Then Lucy handed over the moonstone! To Katherine! Oh snap! It's got some sort of anti-Katherine spell on it. Well, that happens. Katherine shouldn't have antagonized the hurt ex, cuz instead of killing her outright, Damon locked her up in the tomb to suffer for a really long time. Or you know, until next week when they need her help rescuing Elena.

Should Elena have taken Stefan back? Who has taken Elena? Give us your speculation in the comments!

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Sectionals are in three weeks in Louisville, and with no funds the Hellcats need to come up with $5,000 to get there on their own. So they take a page from the One Tree Hill/90210 playbook and have a date auction to raise a little money.

Let the date planning begin
Alice plans a date fit for a hooker while Savannah arranges a sweet picnic at a movie house and finally reveals to Dan that there would have to be a promise of marriage for her to have the sex. She likes to have a plan and he’s not a planning kind of guy. You think she might have revealed this earlier in their relationship. Meanwhile, speaking of early in the relationship, Marti and Lewis are sneaking around and making out all around campus. She likes the sneaky action and admits that she feels like once they announce it then it becomes real. He wants to shout “Marti’s my woman” from a mountaintop but since he’s such a nice guy, he’ll give her a little extra time to see what she wants to do.

Read on for date twists and lawyer scheming after the jump!

Let the date bidding begin
The date auction is a rousing event and there’s plenty of gyrating by the cheerleaders—we’re assuming that’s done intentionally in order to drive up bids. And it seems to work. Geeky law class guy, Morgan, wins a date with Marti while an older gentleman outbids for a date with Lewis. And even though Dan tries to bid on Savannah he’s way outbid by her ex, Noah Campbell. Savannah knows immediately that her mom is behind this set-up with the preacher’s son.

The team is almost a grand short but then a proxy bidder comes in at the last minute with one final bid $825—for a date with Vanessa. She has to do it, right? It’s for the team. But she’s nervous that it’s that scheming Red Raymond.

Let date night begin
Savannah decides to take the skanky approach to the date with Noah but Marti advises against it, telling her that she won’t be getting back at her mother that way, she’ll be driving them further apart. Savannah blows off that advice and wears a very reveling dress and then tells Noah that she’s drinking Tequila out of the flask she brought and there’s a “new me” but he’s not buying it. They end up having a swell time. Then Noah tells her that he wants her back and tells her that he’s offering stability and gives her the plan for their lives—finish school, get engaged, get married, the works. She’s tempted. But after a heart-to-heart with her mom she realizes that she doesn’t need a plan in order to calm her fears and she actually likes working without a net sometimes.

While on their date, Morgan admits that he has feelings for Marti but when she is shocked he back-tracks and tells her that he has no intention of allowing her to be a hero in their law clinic. He wants in. She admits that she is looking for a homeless woman named Jane who was Travis’ alibi and then recounted her statement. And he admits that he wrote a bad check for their date. Now the Hellcats are short $250.

Luckily, it’s not Red who bid on Vanessa at all, it’s her own adorable beau who surprises her with a wonderfully, romantic evening. Too bad she ran six miles without showering right before.

Let the sneaky lawyering begin
So it seems that creepy Morgan isn’t all bad. He locates the homeless chick and ends up finding her living in a really sweet neighborhood. He drags Marti out of bed on a Sunday morning. They go to the door like a couple of Jehovah’s Witnesses and initially, Jane’s happy to talk to Lancer students who have helped her out a lot when she was going through some rough times (take note here folks—that is going to come back as important information in an eppy down the line—we just know it). However, once they mention Travis, she’s not willing to talk anymore and she slams the door on them. It’s more than suspicious. But now they have her location and can look into her background, her nice house, the whole nine yards. Looks like Marti and Morgan will be working together—and working together to pay back that $250 to the Hellcats

Let the happy ending begin
Marti makes a statement by walking into Cheertown, planting a fat one on Lewis and announcing to everyone that they are dating. And it’s no big deal to anyone—too bad Marti made it one. And across town, Dan is giving Savannah the make-up-date of her dreams and when he asks her for a plan she tells him to just drive and see where they end up.

Posted by Jill at 1:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Week to week as we whittle away the contestants on America's Next Top Model, we learn that in order to be a successful model, it’s so important to have the entire package—looks, personality, everything. And this week it’s important to know how to talk and roller skate at the same time.

Read on for stereotypically bitchy models after the jump!

The gimmick that should have worked but didn’t is…
The bitchy model gimmick. The girls come home from panel to hear that they’ll be doing a fashion show the very next day—walking none other than Zac Posen’s designs. Miss Jay and Zac show up at the house to give them the news. Not only will the contestants be helping to launch Zac’s new line but they’ll also be strutting with “real” models on the runway. And we all know that real models can be so mean.

Naturally, the fashion show is a challenge. The winner gets five, count ‘em, five pieces of Zac’s Z Spoke 2010 fall collection. Zac tells the girls that he’s looking for personality and attitude so right away that means trouble for Esther and Ann. He’s even hands-on when it comes to each girl’s walk and does some coaching beforehand. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the girls, Miss J asks the pros to give the newbies some trouble and act…well…bitchy. Some do a great job being mean and it rattles our green models a bit. The thing could have gone several different shades of wrong but somehow it doesn’t.

After the show Miss Jay ‘fesses up that the models weren’t really so unkind and that it was all an act. Not that their ‘tude really made a difference in the end. Ann and Esther and Liz didn’t do so well and Chelsey won—which is great for her because she is a Zac super fan. Plus, she really did deserve it.

The surprises that don’t work anymore are…
The surprise, “hey, we just thought we’d walk into your house and shock you” scenes are played out. No one is ever surprised anymore. Sure, it would be fun to see Mr. Jay and Nigel Barker first thing in the morning wink, wink but when they walk into the models' house and announce that they’ll be shooting their very first commercial, it’s not a big deal. The commercial, however, is. Nigel will be their director. The commercial is for H2T water (a fake product) and it involves being on roller skates and kissing boys.

Opposite sex kissing is so gross! The models are all forced to do things that are way out of their comfort zone but of course Kayla can’t hang. But she reveals that it’s because she was assaulted when she was younger and has trouble trusting men. Well, if you’re going to spill a lifelong secret you should definitely do it on national television. After a little pep talk from Jay, Kayla manages to pull though and does a pretty decent job in her commercial. Liz is uncomfortable and laughs through the whole thing and is totally unprofessional. We think Nigel kind of hates her. Esther is flat and boring, but what’s new? Jane and Chelsey have trouble with the skating but end up doing well. And Chris nails it, with a side of cheese. Ann is too nervous to deal. She’s afraid she’s going to fall and she does—over and over again. She’s terrified of looking like a fool and as a result, she does. We’ve seen some horrible things on ANTM but this was one of the worst, it’s absolutely painful to watch.

Our new favorite guest judge is…
Zac Posen! Not only is he adorable and arrives at panel sporting a smashing green suit, but he is truly present at panel, offering fantastic guidance and great feedback. Move over Nigel, there’s a new crush in town. We’re forced to watch the commercials instead of look at pictures this week. And it’s really not pretty. No one seems to know what the ingredients are in H2T water or how to pronounce them, most stumble on the skates and we wonder why they had the models open the bottle, drink from it and then put the cap back on. Super awkward.

With little surprise, as there was very little to choose from, best commercial goes to Chris. Ann goes from first to worst as she and Esther are tied at the bottom two. But Ann’s “best photo” streak of five straight weeks is too tight to just dismiss at this point and Esther is simply too white bread to keep around. And we don’t even know if she can eat white bread. rimshot! So she’s excused and Tyra tells Ann to work her awkwardness because ultimately, it’s a beautiful thing. Really? We thought it was weird.

Seeing Ann at the bottom two this week was shocking but also seemed right. Which girl do you think is strongest in the personality department and who could use a serious character overhaul? Tell us in the comments.

Posted by Jill at 12:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

If the opening credits were any clue, we should have prepared for a deeply unreal and disjointed episode of Glee last night. Right off the bat Murphy was telling us that this wasn't your typical Glee episode (if there even is one anymore), and the feeling of misgiving settled uncomfortably in our stomach. We're willing to give Glee a lot more breathing room than most shows when it comes to unreality, but this time we were definitely struggling to get a foothold.

Flash-forwards help. Kind of.
After Science Fiction/Double Feature (which we have to say was awesome in and of itself. Was that Quinn? Because her lip-mugging was spot-on), we learn that Schue hasn't exactly been honorable with his intentions toward Emma, and Carl has been sorely used in the process, but Schue won't let us in on just how he fouled up yet. But at least we now have a center, which is Schue and his issues of loneliness and longing, with which we can happily spend an episode.

For another reason we don't understand yet, Carl is in the club's Rocky Horror production, but at least he's wearing a full leather (pleather?) outfit which, again, we don't mind seeing. "Over at the Frankenstein Place" was your typical high school musical awesomeness, complete with fake walking and lots of manufactured fog. Rachel's newly lilting voice was perfect for Janet throughout the episode -- we won't even get into the character similarities.

Read on for even greater departures from reality after the jump!

People that dress like librarians -- all sex addicts.
Emma is finally loosening up and it seems the reason is twofold: Carl and Rocky Horror. Which makes perfect sense (No, really. How could you stay uptight around Uncle Jesse and Meatloaf? Short answer: you can't). Unfortunately this leaves Schue feeling like a failure since he couldn't get her to embrace her wild(er) side, so to get close to her he says the kids are doing their own rendition of the musical. At this point Emma's face resembles our own, with an obvious "What??" and "How??" plastered all over it.

At this point, we're happy the writers address that, yes, this is an inappropriate play for high school students. And yes, you're pretty much going to have to cut out EVERYTHING to make it wholesome -- or at least unoffensive. But then we forget all this when we see Finn's amazing impression of Brad during "Dammit Janet" along with Barry Bostwick and Meatloaf themselves in the form of fear-mongering "news" producers. It was an excellent nod to the original film, without forcing poor Bostwick or Loaf into actually singing.

However, that didn't stop the students from being forced into uncomfortable positions, like poor Sam and Finn.

We can't all look like Chord Overstreet
Playing Rocky and Brad, Sam and Finn are required to be in their skivvies on stage. Sam is overjoyed to blind us with his abs, while Finn is less than thrilled. Since the rest of the episode focuses on Will's increasingly creepy obsession with Emma, we're guessing this is the teen issue addressed this week: Male body image. We agree this is definitely an issue that often gets overlooked in favor of female body issues, but we have a hard time understanding Finn's angst when the human self-esteem vacuum has an actual six-pack. It did give Glee a chance to make fun of Sam and his abs, which perfectly diffused how show-stoppingly glorious they are.

Unfortunately for Finn, he tried to get his confidence back in a predictably ill-conceived way: by walking down the hall in his costume i.e. his tighty-whities (Side note: Those are NOT tighty-whities. They are white boxers. Big difference). Finn almost gets suspended and Schue gets a talking-to from Figgins about the dangers of Rocky Horror in a public school, and for once, we side with Figgins.

Apparently high school musicals are open to area dentists
When Mike says his parents won't let him play Frank-N-Furter, Will is stuck in a lurch with no male lead, but Emma has a solution: Carl. Though we thoroughly enjoyed his audition with "Hot Patootie – Bless My Soul," again we have to wonder what an adult is doing in a high school play. Isn't this what community theater is for? We know they have one, that's what the Neil Patrick Harris cameo was all about.

Rather than address that perfectly logical nugget, Will says instead that they need a new lead, not an Eddie. Mercedes quietly puts in her bid and we squeal with excitement. The first live production we saw of Rocky Horror featured an amazingly curvy, talented black woman as the disjointed Dr. Furter, so we had no doubts in Mercedes' ability to fit the part. This was definitely our favorite number of the show. Mercedes oozed sensuality and verve, and despite the censorship, she really was "sin-sational."

No, really -- don't toucha toucha touch me
Will's creepy intentions reach a fever pitch when he tells Emma that he's going to play Rocky instead of Sam, because, you know, it's more appropriate for a teacher to parade around on stage in gold hot shorts with students than another student. First of all, didn't we cover this in the Brittany/Britney episode? Performing with students is bad, it starts sex riots. Or lawsuits. Or sex riot-related lawsuits.

Secondly, there was no need for the raunchy dancing, Emma. We love her in this number -- this is the ultimate sexual serenade for someone like Emma and her soft, girlish voice -- but stripping another teacher down in a classroom and mimicking fits of ecstasy on a desk was completely unnecessary and definitely a bridge too far for Emma's sensibilities. It's Carl that helps her let go, not Will. So we call shenanigans.

Emma's confession of the sordid rehearsal leads to Carl's confrontation of Will, who really doesn't have an answer to the dentist's accusation that he's using his kids and a play to get close to another man's girlfriend. The truth hurts, sometimes. Especially when you're acting like an idiot.

The way Sue Cs it is sometimes the way we all should
In the end, it's Sue who brings Will back to reality. Schue keeps hiding behind the argument that you can't rein in art even when it makes people uncomfortable, but Sue says sometimes you should when you're using children to make the statement. Will finally gets it, admits to Emma what he's been doing and tells the kids they'll still perform Rocky Horror, but without an audience.

Even though Sue made some excellent points, we're left a little let down by the final lesson, probably because it's difficult to relate to. Are public schools commonly using students to either A.) Make artistic statements or B.) Allow adult teachers to sexually pursue other teachers? We're glad Will learned something, but we like it when Glee tries to teach us something too. Will's connection between the outcasts that first gravitated to Rocky Horror and the outcasts in the Glee club, while logical, seemed tacked on, and we feel like the gleeks got gypped in more than one way this week.

But what did you guys think? Did you enjoy the episode or wish it hadn't sacrificed plot for spectacle? Or does matter, given the inherent excellence of Rocky Horror? We want to hear your comments -- we quiver with antici...

...pation.

Notes n' Quotes

Kurt: So what are you going to be for Halloween this year?
Brittany: I'm going to be a peanut allergy.

Artie: And I'll be the guy in the wheelchair, right?

Mercedes: I'd like to preserve you. In a jar. In my basement.

Finn: I have no idea what's going on in this script and it's not in a cool Inception kind of way.

Sue: The day when parents can dress little boys up like little girls and little girls up like whores...

Santana: Earlier today Artie asked me if he could make a giant omelet with the ostrich eggs I'm smuggling in my bra.

Sue: Says right here in my contract that I get last-minute edits. And don't try to fight it, Will. I'm a notary public.

Emma: ...because of Carl, I've got the Carl.

Sue: Just one thing missing. *Puts stopwatch around Becky's neck* Go scream at some fatties.

Carl: I think it's fine to wear a Frankie bustier in the privacy of my own home -- I'm freaky like that.

Sam: These are really short. I'm afraid I'm going to show off some nuttage.

Will: Will you please stop interjecting your opinions, Sue?
Sue: Opinions? These are my re-writes.

Figgins: Nine children have already signed up for therapy. I had to call a grief counselor!

Becky: Give me some chocolate or I. Will. Cut you.

Sue: It's our job to guide them through it safely and we get to torture them along the way. It's a fabulous system!

Sam: I got asked to be June in the "Men of McKinley High" calendar.

Final Thoughts

• Santana and Brittany were the perfect Magenta and Columbia, complete with their Greek-chorus like commentary and stalkerific observance.

• Why does Carl believe Sue's claims about wooden teeth? He's a local dentist, he should know better. Logic fail.

• Of course Sue would assume the Rocky Horror-goers were throwing toast at her and her sister. This is probably an off-the-wall insult she would conceive on her own for those she wishes to abuse. And Barry Bostwick's little head-shake to Meatloaf when her back was turned was amazing.

  Posted by Lindsey Reiser at 8:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

As much as this episode of 90210 adhered to the show's pattern of incessant, blindingly fast drama, there was a definite trend that we noticed throughout the hour. We just did a word count -- the word "confront" was used six times in our notes. For a school full of secretive schemers, that's a lot of confrontation. And, instead of evasive maneuvering on the part of the confronted, straight up confessions ensued. This must be bizarro Beverly Hills.

Ivy, Dixon, Oscar and Laurel
We open on our West Bev rats with Ivy waking up next to Oscar, clearly uncomfortable with her decision. No sooner is she pseudo-clad, when Laurel knocks on the door saying Dixon is there to visit. Dix confesses the truth about Sasha and says he wants Ivy back, but Ivy needs time to think -- about her regretfully tossed-away virginity, probably. Has anyone else noticed that losing one's virginity is hardly ever a good thing on this program?

Feeling confused, Ivy tells her mother what she did, to which Laurel reacts by threatening Oscar and kicking him out of the house. But Oscar isn't done with this little family of two. He tells the girls that he's been sleeping with both of them, much to Ivy's distress. She calls her mother a very nasty word which one should never call mothers and drives off sobbing into the night. And Laurel's not feeling too great about things, either.

Later, we get a glimpse of Ivy still sobbing, which is making us feel very comfortable astride our high horse, because we are mad. We now have two shows (this and Gossip Girl) sending a veiled message that losing one's virginity can only end in destruction and pain and that girls can't be trusted to give it away to someone worthwhile. They'll sleep with someone at the drop of a hat if they're feeling vulnerable enough, which someone almost always does on these shows. Can we have some more characters going through this very important experience with a little self-worth, please? Not asking that much.

Read on for Ade's assets and Jen's wrath after the jump!

Liam and Laura
Liam is still foolishly leading Laura on to annoy Annie, while at the same time trying to procure a job. He manages to find one that is "something like" modeling and, in our opinion, is more like a Chippendale's dancing gig. The poor pretty boy is forced to stand shirtless in the window of a clothes store and help the customers inside...still shirtless, which is ironic because they sell shirt there. And he's constantly getting cologne sprayed in his face. And he's greased up. Side note: Won't that grease stain the clothes?

After getting groped more than your average Hooters waitress by the horny, dangerous creature known as the pre-teen girl, Liam gets discovered in his new position by Laura, who says she wants to help him. Liam doesn't want Laura's help, or anything to do with her at all, so he continues to stick it out at Pieces of Meat 'R Us.

Finally a woman comes in shopping for her daughter and offers Liam a job as her family's errand boy. When she finds out Liam is living in his car she offers him their pool house, which Liam gladly jumps on. But once he's started unpacking he makes a creepy discovery. The woman is actually Laura's mom and Laura asked her to help Liam as a favor. And we're back to clingy, stalkerific plot lines. Great.

Annie and Charlie
Annie is liking Charlie more and more with his excellent French and love of Muppet films. But when she goes to see a reading of his play (without his knowledge, of course) she finds that his work is nothing short of twisted. Worried that she might be dating another unbalanced headcase, she starts to distance herself -- until she sees Charlie handle a belligerent party-goer with calm and finesse. She admits to Charlie that she saw his play and she had been a little freaked out, but Charlie is flattered that she was so interested in his work. We'd think this was adorable if we weren't still retching from Annie's attempts at French.

Naomi, Jen and Matthews
Using a photo on his phone of the adorable Jacques/Jack, Matthews manages to lure Naomi over to the house to see her nephew with Silver tagging along. Jen is less than happy to see her sister and proceeds to tear apart her gifted Teddy bear looking for a sting-operation nanny-cam. However, after her new assistant Debbie tells her to "stop being a bitch," she lets Naomi and Silver upstairs to pay the little tyke a visit. When Debbie leaves the room to get a bottle, Naomi and Silver start talking about Cannon again -- with Jen listening in on the baby monitor.

Jen immediately confronts Naomi about the rape and says she wants to help nail this guy to the wall, but upon spotting the dismembered Teddy bear Naomi counters that Jen doesn't trust her, so what should she trust Jen? We'd say the evidence of sleeping with your boyfriend, taking your sister's money and trying to weasel her out of her inheritance would be more telling than a maimed stuffed animal, but hey, that's us.

Even so, Jen is still bent on Cannon's retribution and tells Matthews what she heard. Matthews manages to extract a fuzzy drunken memory of that night and recalls seeing Cannon and Naomi in a classroom, Cannon closing the blinds. At a party later that night Matthews finds Naomi, tells her he knows what happened and says he's going to come forward with what he saw. After a short discussion and some buoying encouragement, Matthews has Naomi on board to press charges. It's amazing how plans shift from underground scheming to more reliable legal action when responsible adults get involved.

Ade, Silver and Navid
Ade's career is taking off even though she's completely unhappy with Vic's douchebaggery. But the man is right about one thing: His methods get results. Ade is asked to participate in a shoot for Luxury magazine about her budding success, and Silver wants to film a documentary about the making of a pop star. Any press is good press according to Vic, so Silver, Navid and another camera are allowed on the set.

However, conflict ensues when Vic says an "artistic" topless shot would work better and Ade is clearly uncomfortable. When Navid stands up for Ade, Vic kicks everyone out except himself and the photographer, though Ade reassures Navid that she'll be okay.

When an early image of the photo is released online, Navid is dismayed to find his girlfriend had let it all hang out. While watching Silver's documentary footage later, he begins to piece together what happened. The camera picked up some blackmail-like dialogue between Ade and her manager, and it's obvious to her two friends that the man has something on her. When Navid goes to find out what that is, Ade spills the beans about Javier's songs and Navid says she has to come forward. But just as she's telling Vic to take a long walk off a short pier, the slimy manager reveals the cover of Luxury magazine, and Ade is on it. From here on out, it seems Ade is down to party. And we're retching again, this time from the almost Gollum-like expression of desperation and longing written all over her face. This isn't the first time you've heard this warning, Ade: Just say no.

What did you all think of the episode? Still dizzy from the rapid-fire plot points? Think Charlie is not as nice as he seems? Worried about Liam in Laura's clutches? Comment away!

Notes n' Quotes

Laura: Hot and cold! I love it, it drives me crazy!

Matthews: Jen had the baby.
Naomi: Poor kid.

Annie: What'd you just say?
Charlie: "The Muppets Take Manhattan is my all-time favorite Muppet movie."

Vic: Do something with your hair, huh? You look a little like a wet rat.

Debbie: "Current." "Hip." ...I should cross out your lava lamp idea, right?

Annie: That's "perfect" in French
Naomi: What's "barf" in French?

Debbie: Jen, don't be a bitch. And yes, you should move the stage.

Navid: Say "pretty boy!"

Navid: Models! So temperamental!

Ade: "Blank" Rand wrote "The Fountainhead." It's three letters, could it be "Rob"?

Jen: Because I'm going to kill Mr. Cannon. Or castrate, I haven't decided yet.

Navid: Remember when everyone promised to stay late and help me put out the Blaze? That was a load of crap, wasn't it?
Silver: Yep.

Laura: We're like Bella and Edward!

Posted by Lindsey Reiser at 9:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Jenny, I'm concerned about those extensions. There's no way you can make it work.

Chuck has infiltrated not only Blair’s waking hours, but her dreams as well. And who wouldn’t want to dream of Chuck Bass? As the war between the two former lovers escalates, everyone must run for cover. In an effort to increase the stakes, Chuck brings back the only platinum blonde who could turn Blair’s prim and stoic demeanor into mush.

This week’s episode of Gossip Girl touted the return of Jenny Humphrey, which surely caused some to cheer and others to groan loudly. Despite getting caught up in Blair and Chuck’s ring of destruction and reverting back to her mischievous ways, Jenny eventually realizes her folly. Determined to be more than a mere pawn in the gruesome twosome’s game, she leaves Manhattan and all the drama behind. Here are some other tidbits:

Best cameo: Tim Gunn. Fashionistas love this guy and so does Little J. If Eleanor Waldorf can’t make Jenny’s career, here’s just the guy to get the job done.

Worst excuse: Juliet leaves Nate’s warm bed to head over to the penitentiary and tells him she’s going to class. When Nate catches her red-handed, she tells him she’s a volunteer for the prison’s literacy program. This girl has an answer for everything and they’re all boring.

Best reveal: The dude in prison really is Juliet’s brother. Plus, we now know the identity of the mastermind behind this never-ending plan to destroy the Gossip Girl gang and the one sending Juliet ominous text messages (because you can’t do that from prison). Why Serena’s new professor and potential love interest, Colin, wants to destroy her remains a mystery. But, at least it explains why he was coming on so strong so soon.

Continue reading to find out how Jenny got the best of Blair.

Best description: Vintage crazy-ass Blair. Jenny’s spot on when summing up Blair’s current state of mind.

Worst sabotage: Blair stopped too low when she destroyed Jenny’s interview with Tim Gunn by writing “whore” in red paint on Jenny’s designs. When Jenny nabs a boyfriend, Blair can sleep with him in retaliation, but until then let’s keep her career trajectory out of the game.

Most mature: After spilling the beans publicly about losing her virginity to Chuck, Jenny grew up and hauled her behind off the island. Now, if she would just cut those hideous extensions off.

Best shanking: Nate’s dad gets jumped in prison by Juliet’s brother. Something’s got to show her she can’t fall in love with the target.

In the end, Chuck suggests a truce and Blair begrudgingly accepts. Chuck tenderly takes her hand and the girl is so stubborn she pulls it away and hides behind her bedroom door. Her face says it all, she wants him back, but her pride won’t allow her to admit it. Does she want to be right or does she want to be happy? The war ends, for now. And it couldn’t have come at a better time. Serena and Nate will need all their friends to fight the coming onslaught. What do you think?

Posted by Janine Schaults at 11:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Hell yeah, I'm prettier than Pattinson!

The Winchester boys took on the brooding emo vampire phenomenon on Supernatural this week, and not much escapes unscathed. But the boys' (and the writers') gleeful contempt for the whole Twilight-industrial complex, while immensely enjoyable, wasn't the most important part of the ep. No, the real power of the show came from the continuing glimpses into Sam's changed character, and the length's he'll go to in hunting down evil. Sam? Sweetie? You looked into that there abyss, and we're pretty damn sure it looked back into you. Eep!

Happy hunting
How much did we love the opening sequence? "Bela Lugosi's Dead"! Emily Fang on the fake ID! A Bella-rific flannel-clad girl named Kristen meeting a cut-rate Pattinson clone named Rob! The predictable paper cut! The earnest dialog! We were giggling like maniacs.

Of course, Kristen learns that vampiric reality doesn't look like Forks, Washington when she agrees to see Rob's world. Nope, it's more pointy, bitey, terrifying and painful. That's what happens when you buy into revisionist vampire history!

Find out about the vamps' grand plan and Sam's fiendish plot after the jump!

The boys discover Kristen's Twilight-type fixation and realize that real vamps must be using the Twilight hype to lure in victims. They go to a gothy club and split up to follow suspected bloodsuckers. Sam tracks and kills one, but the one Dean follows is just a guy with glitter trying to get laid. Hah! Unfortunately, a real vampire decides that Dean is ripe for turning. Sam sees the attack, but does nothing to stop it. In fact, he seems pleased. That's not good.

The inside man
Dean reacts to his vampification as you'd expect -- he wants Sam to kill him. But Sam insists on calling Grampa Campbell, which turns out to be wise, because Gramps has a cure. ("It's an old Campbell recipe. Kind of like the soup.") What a pleasant surprise! Except… maybe not so much of a surprise. Grampa Campbell told Sam about it -- did he deliberately get Dean turned so he could infiltrate the nest and get a bead on the Alpha vamp? Sam denies all knowledge, and he's shocked, shocked! that Gramps would suggest such a thing. Save it, Sam -- we're not buying it anymore.

Dean gets to the nest and discovers it's a well-run recruitment machine: The big, burly vamp who turned him is looking for pretty boys like Dean, who he turns so they can lure in hot emo chicks. Those chicks get turned, and they, in turn, will lure in more pretty boys, who can lure in more emo chicks…. it's like a perpetual motion machine. And it's happening all over the place, at the behest of the Big Bad ÜberVamp, who speaks to his children telepathically, using what appears to be clips from the David Lynch school of creepy dream imagery.

Of course, now Dean's cover is blown, so he has to go on an utterly awesome vampire killing spree. The boy knows how to wield a machete. After everyone is beheaded, dismembered or otherwise destroyed, he takes out the vamp who turned him and gets the necessary ingredient for the cure.

Bad trip
The cure is really, really unpleasant. Granted, it doesn't kill Dean, but it leads to some heroic levels of puking and some highly disturbing flashbacks. Dean rewinds through the night, up to the time when he was attacked… and in that rewind, he sees that Sam saw the attack and did nothing to stop Dean from being turned. As we, and Gramps, suspected, Sam deliberately let Dean get turned so he could be a spy in the nest and get intel on the Alpha. Yep, he willingly put Dean in immense peril, let him be turned into a monster, and sent him into the nest. That's so much more evil than using Twilight to munch on emo chicks!

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• Seriously, what the hell is going on with Sammy here? We know some ardent Dean fans will see this as not much different than Sam's previous behavior, but we strenuously disagree. Sam could be a bit self-involved in the past, and there were times when he took Dean for granted, but that's worlds away from using him as cannon fodder.

• Interestingly, Grampa Campbell doesn't seem to be suffering the same extremes of callousness. Yes, he's kidnapping monsters and using them for …something, but he's still disturbed by Baby Stew and by the thought of Sam using his brother this way. Apparently, it's not being brought back from the dead that did it to Sam, but something that happened to him in the pit.

• On the upside (or possibly downside), Dean now knows that Sam is utterly ruthless and unfeeling now. And the previews for next week make it sound like we'll start to discover what's going on. We better -- we're not happy with this shell of a Sam!

• On to less fraught matters. This episode was full of quotey goodness. When Dean confronts his not-really vamp, who is wearing false fangs, he's disgusted. "What are you 12? Are you wearing glitter?" "I only do it to get laid, man!" the guy protests. Dean pauses. "Does it work?" The kid nods. " 'll be damned," Dean says. "All right, mmmbop your way out of here. Use a condom!"

• Vamped-out Dean, on why Sam can't go with him to the vampire nest: "Dude, you reek. You're like a walking hamburger."

• Dean does bring some intelligence back form his time in the nest: "Recruitment drive. The Alpha's building an army." Sam and Gramps aren't surprised. But Dean has more: "That's not the worst….We don't scare them anymore." Hmmm. Well, for what it's worth, Sam is scaring us!

• Dean ends the ep with a telling quote: "At least you got my back. No matter what happens I can always count on you, right Sammy?" "Yeah. Of course, Dean," Sam replies. We all know he's lying.

So what did you think? Were you thrilled with the Twilight mockery, or was it not to your taste? Were you surprised at how far gone Sam seems be? Are all of the Alphas recruiting armies? Why? Share your theories in the comments!

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We fainted too when Clark FINALLY told Lois his secret

Do you recall that moment you thought you heard something odd on the wind Friday night? We all heard it. It was the collective sigh of every "Smallville" fan around the globe breathing out simultaneously. Because Clark finally revealed his secret identity to Lois. Didja hear me? IT FINALLY HAPPENED! (If my writing becomes a bit too unclear here, it's because I'm dancing a jig as I type. Now, I never knew how to dance a jig, until this moment. But to quote Mr. Smith -- not the Brad Pitt variety--I got jiggy wit it when Clark did it.) That mailroom moment between the two--complete with confetti-- was like Christmas, birthday surprise and sweet 16 gift wrapped all in one. Can you tell I loved it?

Everything else during this episode is gravy after witnessing the reaction after the reveal. But if you must know…Lois did get possessed by Isis's cursed amulet this time around. She turns into a flying goddess seeking the pieces of her true love Osiris to reunite with him after centuries apart. Cool as it may seem, those who wear the bauble are apparently condemned to hell for eternity. But Clark breaks the possession as only he can, with Green Arrow's help. But not before Lois/Isis tries to put the heart of her dead, scattered lover into Clark's body. The things one does when trying to bring hell on Earth. Heck, if I can't have my man from the Underworld, I'd take Clark's in a heartbeat.

Of course in between the start and finish of it all, there was a bit of second guessing, until we see that superheroes get their own cereals and thank-you gift baskets. That's it. What alter ego can I tap for free stuff? In this recession, that could be a leg up in a bad market. Keep the city safe. Check. People person. Check. Leader, not a follower…check.

Wait…wait a minute. Who brought Cat back into the Daily Planet fold? After ogling over Clark, she is again determined to outscoop Lois, which she thinks she has done when she witnesses possessed Lois and thinks she is the Blur. She saw Lois chanting over a body in the museum, so of course her mind goes toward satanic rituals. Whose wouldn't? But Clark tells Cat Lois was possessed and Lois reminds Cat weird things happen all the time in Metropolis, so get used to it.Before Cat exits stage left, she stabs Lois in the hand with a pen and promises Tess, her boss, she will bring down the Blur once and for all. So I'm sure we'll have to see her again. But I ask you…why? Seriously…why?

Anywho, Oliver finally reconciles with Tess, sharing his feelings about Chloe. And Tess finally gets a heart. And Clark and Ollie know this because she actually comes to their aid in their time of need. And this act gives her the keys to the kingdom, aka Watch Tower. Wait. This episode is like the Wizard of Oz. Ollie is the head of Emerald City -- Green Arrow, duh. Tess is the Tin (Wo)Man, and the yellow brick road was traded for gold Egyptian ropes to bind Kal-El. (Don't hate me because I like pop culture.) In the end, Tess is so overwhelmed by Clark's and Ollie's faith in her, she runs off crying. This newfound trust instills in her the belief that she can love and be forgiven. So she's giving that love to young lab-created Alexander Luthor. All he needs to overcome his malicious DNA is love. So now Tess is playing single mom. Ummm, OK? But then we see Alexander's big blue eyes when he tells her he loves Tess. And we understand. I think we all cried a little with that scene. The character that is Tess might be redeemable after all. Go figure.

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Hey, Supernatural and Smallville fans! The fine folks at The CW want you to know that YOU can make your favorite shows the cover story for TV Guide magazine by voting early and often in their choose-the-cover poll. The Winchesters and Clark Kent are going up against Bones, Chuck, Castle and How I Met Your Mother. Now, these are all perfectly fine shows, but do they deserve the cover more than the shows that make up The CW's Friday lineup? We think not -- and we're guessing you agree.

Want to see your show on the cover? Head on over to the TV Insider Fan Fave Cover Poll and vote to your hearts' content. Voting runs through Nov. 1, and the winning show will appear on the cover of the December 13 issue. So get to it -- we've got some cover boys to choose!

Posted by Sarah at 11:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Poor Alex…she needs a vacation. The girl was definitely put through the ringer this week as Division gave its recruits a little lesson in torment and terror. Miss N, on the other hand, was busy with her own pet project, Owen, who seemed to bring out her more nostalgic side. Good for us, though, because we got the answers to burning questions like who killed Nikita’s finance and how did Nikita and Alex team up in the first place? So, let’s fill in these few blanks and put all curious minds to rest and then we’ll recap the action.

Read on for Nikita and Alex's history, as well as some tough tests for the Division folk after the jump.

Recruiting the Recruit
First thing's first: How did our girls originally meet? Well, it definitely wasn’t under pleasant circumstances…but surprisingly, Division was the one that brought them together. Turns out that Alex’s dad was the agency’s target and fire was their method of destruction. Unfortunately, Alex was the only survivor thanks to Miss N, but her life took a not-so-pleasant course afterward. She was snapped up by Russian slave owners, began to dabble heavily in drugs, and finally, as we saw in a previous episode, Nikita caught up with her and snapped her into shape.

The Pet Project
Owen and Nikita also had crossed paths many years ago, but theirs was quite a different story. It took awhile for us to get the facts because, as you know, our two rogue agents have a tough time communicating. Keep in mind, too, that Miss N had Owen tied up in her hideout and that might be one reason why he’s having some trust issues. Regardless, these reluctant comrades eventually started swapping war stories and we learn all kinds of crazy tidbits. Turns out Owen wasn’t just any agent at Division. He was their number one dirty deed-doer known as a "cleaner," and after Nikita tells him about her past, he drops one heck of a bombshell on her. He tells her that he’s the one who killed her fiancé! This news, of course, hits our girl like a ton of bricks and she breaks into tears. But, the drama doesn’t last long, because a frantic Alex calls needing Miss N’s help.

Testing the Limits
Now that we’ve answered the big questions, here’s a quick review on the trials and tribulations of the young recruits:

The Division masters decided that these protégés needed more than just punching bags and really stepped up their training this week. First, they had the youngsters interrogate a terrorist This didn’t go very well for Alex, since her capture ended up trying to strangle her. Next up, the assassins-in-training were told they would be taking a bus trip to their next assignment. They were riding merrily along in the large, blacked-out vehicle, when they were suddenly attacked by gun-wielding terrorists. For Alex, this is when things really went downhill. She was nabbed by the brother of the terrorist that she had interrogated earlier and now he wanted some answers. (That’s some bad luck!) Unfortunately for her, he had a thing for electric shock treatments and boy, did Alex get a few doses. Too bad she didn’t know that it was all just a test by the elders at Division. But, no matter, our clever girl pulled some fast moves to escape and even made her way to a local gas station where she placed that call to Miss N. Michael, though, who is always a quick study, was able to track her down and barely missed running into his old foe, Nikita.

When Alex was safe and sound back in headquarters, she learned that her recent ordeal was nothing but a sham. Naturally, she was pissed. We also learned a little something. Percy revealed that Alex wasn’t the only one being tested…Michael was too. Good ole’ Percy is keeping everyone on their toes. But, did Michael pass the test? Stay tuned to find out.

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Now that Kacey’s been given the boot on America's Next Top Model, things seem to be much more calm around the house -- which is exactly what we don’t like to see. Sure, a little serenity in the living quarters may be nice for the contestants, but when everyone gets along it’s a bit of a yawner for us, the viewing public. We look to these contestants to get our blood pumping. Frankly, we like the drama...so we’ll try to create some of our own with the remaining eight gals.

Read on for the challenges and some less-than-dramatic drama after the jump!

House highlights…or lack thereof
The girls all realize that Ann is competition to a point—she may be striking in photos but she has the personality of a wax houseplant (albeit a very tall wax houseplant). We also learn that being kosher isn't, well, kosher with some of the girls. Esther, a modern orthodox Jew, tells them she can’t cook meat and cheese together, for example, which doesn't seem like a big deal to us but which Chris says would lead to starvation.

That’s it—that’s all we managed to come up with in the drama department in the house this week. Man, we really need someone who’s missing their moral compass to come for a sleepover.

And the Grammy Girl goes to…
When Tyra told us she was stepping it up this Cycle, she wasn’t kidding. The girls arrive at the Grammy Museum where they are met by Neil Portnow, the president and CEO of The Recording Academy. One of the lucky girls will be selected to be a Grammy Girl for a star-studded evening!

The models are told to partner up. They each must select the outfit for their partner. Each model tells her partner what she is hoping to wear, but very few delivered. They are judged by Jay Manuel and Neil Portnow and at this point we’ve got to point out a serious lack of Miss J this Cycle. What gives? Open letter to Tyra—bring Miss J back!

A Grammy Girl has to look good, but not too good, because you don’t want to take away from the real “talent” on stage. Liz and Kayla win the team prize but ultimately they think that Liz would be too star struck so Kayla wins. We’re pretty sure that somewhere a lesbian just earned her wings. Liz was so disappointed that she went home and got drunk. You'd think would involve some kind of drama, but it didn't.

Manning up for the photo shoot
This week’s photo shoot involves the models portraying an iconic fashion designer and posing with a professional model who will be wearing that designer's fashions. Francesco Carrozzini, who is a gorgeous little man, is the photographer and the guest judge this week. Liz was to play John Galliano and since there wasn’t anything uncomfortable or strange in the shoot, she stepped it up and became the designer—Jay was impressed. Kendal was Vera Wang who may be a famous designer but isn’t exactly famous for her outgoing personality. The judges thought she was flat. Esther was Christophe Decarnin and she couldn’t get the guy thing down—probably because of her well-endowedness. Jane was Marc Jacobs, and what girl really looks good with fake five o’clock shadow?

Head-scratching moment
We experienced the biggest hypocritical moment of the Cycle when Tyra was so pleased with Liz for portraying John Galliano well (even though she’d never heard of him) and then turned around and told Jane that there’s a good chance that the girl who goes home this week may be sent packing because she didn’t do her homework and didn’t study the designers, photographers, makeup artists, etc. Wait, what?

We weren’t surprised when the best photo went to Liz. Ann’s five-week streak may be over, but she shouldn’t take that target off her back just yet—she was called third. The judges still fall all over the girl. The bottom two end up being Esther and Kendal, and Esther is saved. In a very surprising grammatical analogy, Ms. Banks fears that Kendal is the noun and not the verb. She looks like a model but can she model? Tyra sent her home and told her to get some experience.

This week Ms. Banks went on and on about how important it is to do your “homework” before coming to ANTM. It’s not just about playing dress up and having fun, it’s about learning your craft. Is it really essential to learn photographers, designers and the entire model business in order to be a good model? Tell us here in the comments.

Posted by Jill at 12:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Brooke, dear, you've made a fundamental costume mistake -- how will you ever be able to get a drink to your mouth when your arms are so confined?

One Tree Hill hits us with the stuff of nightmares this week -- zombies, vampires, psycho killers, clowns, bad karaoke, a rogue mother-in-law.... Eeek!

Orange and Dalmatian and Cruella de Ville
Brooke and Julian get a surprise visitor in the form of Sylvia, Julian's mom. Brooke does not make a good impression on her at first, and, we have to admit, Sylvia doesn't make a good impression on us. She's way too overbearing and none too kind to our girl Brooke.

Sylvia offers to pay for the wedding, and Brooke is thrilled... at first. Then Sylvia starts trying to make changes to Brooke's plans -- even the wedding dress. She's going too far!

Then there's the costume debacle. Brooke wants Julian to be as comfortable as possible with Halloween (he's not a fan), so she comes up with a cute, if somewhat high-concept, couple's costume. Julian will wear a clock, Brooke will dress up as an orange...A Clockwork Orange. Get it? No one does... especially not after Sylvia forces Julian to dress up as a Dalmatian while she dons a Cruella de Ville costume. Poor Brooke was a citrus fruit for nothing!

There's more costumey goodness after the jump. Read on!

Pregnant cheerleader and Don Draper
Nathan is trying to figure out his new partnership with Clay, which leads him to make a few comments about a rookie quarterback whose agents are holding out for huge bucks and are not letting him play. Great for the agents, but sucks for the kid, whose teammates may never forgive him. Clay realizes that Nate has insights from the inside that no other agent can match, and sends him out to talk with the kid. Hey, he might be good at this!

This still leaves Nathan time to make it home and take the kids trick-or-treating. And even though the Bobcats are playing at that very moment, he realizes that there's nowhere he'd rather be than out on the street with his adorable kid. Awww....

Haley is still balancing her helpline activities (and her frequent Irish caller) with her mom duties. Fortunately, she and Nathan can retreat to Tric for a Halloween party, where Nathan shows off his Don Draper attire while Haley goes as her past self -- a pregnant teenage cheerleader. Hee!

At the karaoke contest, she overhears a fantastic, passionate singer... and then realizes she must be the tormented Erin who keeps calling into the crisis line. We smell a plot point brewing!

Edward Cullen and SuperQuinn
Clay loves Halloween, but Quinn isn't a fan -- especially since she keeps having nightmares in which zombie Katie shows up and bites Clay, and then everyone else gets 1) zombiefied or 2) smacked with a stupid stick that makes them unable to distinguish zombies from vampires.

This gets bad when all the adorable kidlets start coming to the door for their candy and Quinn mistakes a chaperone for Katie. Then Clay has to retrieve a flashlight when the lights go out, and he finds the gun that Quinn apparently bought so she can feel safer. He convinces her that she needs to do a different kind of shooting -- he encourages her to take a photo assignment in South Africa. She agrees.

Harry, Ron and Hermione
Jamie, Chuck and Madison dress up as the Harry Potter trio, and they are predictably adorable. Chuck talks some smack about a deserted-looking house, which Jamie wisely decides to skip. (Dude, if the porch light isn't on, there's probably no candy anyway.) But Chuck convinces them to go back to the house -- without Nate -- to prove their bravery. Jamie and Madison hang back, but Chuck knocks on the door…and is dragged inside by a guy in a hockey mask. Panic! But it's ok -- it was Chuck's uncle Joe, helping Chuck play a prank.

Lady Gaga and the Situation; Mermaid and Guy Who Keeps Getting Dumped
Millie brings Mouth an itty-bitty pumpkin, which any fool would know means that she thinks they're back together. When Mouth disabuses her of that notion, she is not pleased. She ends up playing up her Lady Gaga alter-ego and hooking up with a Spartan (who has real abs) rather than Mouth (who is wearing a fake washboard to play The Situation).

After first denying it, mermaid Mia tells Chase that she's glad Alex is gone (and we are, too -- we shudder to think what her costume would be.) Chase, however, is in his bitter place, as evidenced by his non-costume. He looks like himself, but says he's dressed up as "a guy who keeps getting dumped." Whatever, Chase!

Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends

• The whole opening sequence, which took place in Quinn's nightmare, was fantastic. We loved Quinn's mounting frustration that everybody kept calling the monsters vampires when they were obviously zombies. Plus, Brooke and Julian as zombie fighters (with Brooke sporting a Lara Croft braid) was a kick (pun intended). We loved Brooke pausing from her zombie-killing duties to cover up the wedding dress. Hee!

• Chuck and Jamie are far too pleased to freak Haley out with the clown mask. Worse, Tric is apparently crawling with clowns -- including a barbershop quartet of clowns at the karaoke competition. Spooky!

• Mouth's podcast was about the rules of cricket? No WONDER he's not getting any traffic!

• We love that Clay admits he's going to coast on that "I survived being shot, so you have to be nice to me" thing for the rest of his life.

• What's with the Julian high-five thing? We love him dorky, but it seems a bit much, you know?

• Nathan ends the episode watching one of his top games and wondering if he'll ever be great at anything again. We're not worried, Nathan. You'll be fine.

Posted by Sarah at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Inappropriate seemed to be key word of this week's Life Unexpected. Baze is inappropriately going after his boss, while Lux and Daniels are getting inappropriately closer (and if the teaser for next week is to be believed, closer still). Meanwhile, Ryan and Cate are having arguments that are inappropriate to their weekend's intentions, which is to make a baby. Now it doesn't even look like make-up sex is in the cards. Oh well, maybe next time.

How can people not figure out what a "staycation" is?
So, were we the only ones surprised that no one understood Cate's concept of a "staycation"? Lifestyle magazines have been promoting the idea ever since the economy hit the skids two years ago, and even if you haven't heard of them, you could figure out the meaning just by virtue of the term's spelling. Or maybe we're expecting too much. Or the writers just needed some pseudo-comic dialogue. Whatever.

Our senseless aggravation aside, Cate and Ryan decide to take a little sojourn to the new swanky hotel in Portland for some uninterrupted baby-making, which is probably the best idea Cate's had in a while. She's finally on board the baby express and is attacking with her typical Type-A planning. But then -- shock, shock, horror -- Baze somehow interferes with the fun. We'd feign a surprised look if we actually cared for the 85th time.

Read on about how it's actually-kind-of-not-really Baze that screws this mess up, after the jump!

What is that phrase about not doing something where you eat?
Oh BAZE. Baze, Baze, Baze. Will you never learn?

After his "bonding" session with Emma last week, Baze decides it's a good idea to pursue his uptight, cutthroat boss. Cate suggests he accompanies her on the office retreat, so Baze pulls some nepotism strings with Daddy Bazile and tags along to...the same hotel as Cate and Ryan. Again, we're not motivated enough to put on our shocked faces.

Baze is temporarily put off by a ripped, shirtless guy Emma has brought along, but decides to go in for a kiss after Abs McGee has gone to bed. Apparently "out of sight, out of mind" works much better for men, since Emma dodges the smooch and tells her assistant his behavior is wrong for "like, a million reasons." We wouldn't ordinarily side with a woman who apparently can't get her own coffee, but we're going to have to agree here.

Unfortunately, Emma's sanity is short-lived. After Baze sees her muscly escort leaving with another guy, Emma admits he was just a prop and prefers to be alone. B.S., says Baze, you've got to put yourself out there, just like I'm doing right now. Emma initially puts him off, but gives in later in her office, to the ringing applause of men-who-just-won't-give-up everywhere.

So...this is getting creepy
Already feeling uncomfortable with Daniels about his sleeping over at Baze's and having loud sex with Paige, Lux has to confront her tutor about another failing grade. Then, in a very it's-definitely-not-me-it's-you argument, Lux says she needs a new tutor. No hard feelings, babe, but you're just not good enough.

But Daniels isn't ready give up yet. Under the guise of a girl's movie night, Paige has him over for a viewing of "The Outsiders," the film version of the book essay Lux just failed. Daniels also comes bearing good news: Math is willing to let Lux take the test again. It's clear Lux gets the concepts and themes of the story, and Daniels says she should take the test over. However, this hits a nerve and Lux goes off on Daniels and tells him she doesn't want his help. The problem there is Daniels wants to help her, because it's the only time they get to spend together. Whoa. Take it down a notch there, rock star, or the powers that be are definitely going to hear what you're drumming up.

Addressing Lux's nonexistent improvement, Daniels also tells her he thinks she may have a learning disability and that she should get tested. Excited that Daniels is returning some affection and they may be getting to the bottom of her poor grades, Lux is all smiles on her way to tutoring -- until she sees Daniels isn't there. She has a new tutor and Daniels won't be coming back. Ouch.

My, how the haughty have fallen
Things are already off to a rocky start for Cate and Ryan after they discover Baze and his coworkers are crashing their staycation. Baze asks to swap rooms to be nearer to Emma, and Ryan throws out his back moving their luggage. So much for the non-immaculate conception.

Waiting for the Advil to kick in, Cate and Ryan start looking over their wedding photos. Cate finds someone she doesn't recognize in one of them, and Ryan tells her it's Julia, his parents' friend. Turns out this is the same Julia that has been mysteriously calling Ryan and sent the very expensive-looking vase as a gift. When Cate gets all question-y about this mystery woman, Ryan gets defensive and brings up Baze. Seems Baze is just a cover for his own guilt: In a flashback, we find out Ryan slept with Julia just after he and Cate took their break.

Unaware of this, Cate calls Paige to check on Lux and learns that Julia is not only Ryan's ex, she's "the one that got away." After Cate confronts him, Ryan says that Julia had a pregnancy scare after their clandestine hook-up, and she showed up to wedding to give Ryan the all-clear. But what if she had been pregnant, Cate asks? Our once-perfect Ryan doesn't have an answer for that.

We were actually relieved to find that something was Ryan's fault for once, and he is not, in fact, perfect. But wait, no -- again Cate is equally culpable for keeping secrets, Ryan learns later that night. After Cate storms off home, Baze pops over to their hotel room for more Emma advice, only to find Ryan alone. Ryan says they had a fight, and Nate-I-never-learn-anything-Bazile blurts out about Cate's mixed feelings before the wedding. SIGH. When will this guy just learn to zip it?? Baze better start practicing now, seeing as his impending fling with Emma will most likely need to be kept under wraps.

In the end, Cate and Ryan are equally mad at each other for keeping secrets and their future as a couple seems more uncertain than ever. We were really hoping for an episode where Cate doesn't get blamed for something -- we WANT to like her, but everyone's continued disappointment is skewing our opinion. C'mon writers, Ryan's obviously not a complete saint. Let's play that up!

What did you guys think? Is Ryan more guilty than Cate of relationship manslaughter, or vice versa? What does the future hold for Baze and Emma, or Daniels and Lux? Did you also share Lux's satisfied smirk when Paige got dumped? Comment away!

Notes n' Quotes
Cate: We can spend the next 48 hours in bed.
Ryan: I'm in.

Cate: You know the first time that I had sex with Ryan was on a company retreat.
Baze: Kind of awkward...

Baze: Would you mind hurrying? I just want to hit the sauna before the work party...

Paige: Like I don't know how to take care of a teenager. Apple or chocolate martini?
Lux: Apple
Paige: Good. Baze said you need your fruit.

Mr Daniels: The Outsiders
Paige: Patrick Swayze! Sad...

Cate: Is my mother holding a flask in that photo?
Ryan: Technically shes not holding it because it's tucked into her bra.

Baze: Morgan Stanley? LOVED him in "Driving Miss Daisy."

Baze: So Steve likes dudes, huh?

Baze: I'm going balls-out...so to speak.

Posted by Lindsey Reiser at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

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The music was front and center again on Glee, and we couldn't be happier. This show doesn't need flashy themes of hot-button issues to be funny, moving, and a hell of a good time! It just needs music and these kids acting like themselves! (Having said that, we do spend quite a bit of time contemplating the Rocky Horror episode next week. Yeah, yeah, we contradict ourselves, but we're ok with that.)

Lindsey, Janine and I discuss who was the star of this episode, Kurt or Quinn, and whether Sam could be any cuter. Janine admits some shocking secrets about her musical taste, Lindsey reveals her fondness for dorks, and we all contemplate the beauty and majesty that is Breadsticks. Plus, we have a serious squee attack over the spot-on Barbra/Judy remake at the end of hte episode. Seriously, watch the original, and then watch Rachel. It's like she's channeling Babs! It was almost enough to make us overlook the absence of Puck, Sue and Emma! (ALMOST. You hear that, Ryan Murphy? They better be back soon!)

Listen to our Glee podcast for "Duets" and tell us what you think in the comments!

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We're slightly confused by the title of this episode of One Tree Hill, because there seemed to be a whole lot of quitting going on. Oh, sure, it was for the best of motives, but still -- Brooke and Nathan abandonned  (or sold) their glamorous jobs, so they must have learned quitting somewhere. We're just saying...

Darcel and I discuss Brooke's awesome Victoria smackdown and wonder why they seem to keep having the same conversation over and over again. Then we ponder Haley's healing powers (and her burgeoning baby bump, which only seems to appear on the West Coast), Mouth's pathetic life, Julian's documentary (and his utter adorableness), and the end of the Alex/Chase relationship. Plus, confetti! Yay!

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The denizens of Gossip Girl world were rocked by war this week, as Chuck and Blair conducted a scorched earth campaign against each other, Juliet continued her nefarious (and only occasionally effective) scheming, and Gossip Girl herself spread some disconcerting rumors. Dan and Vanessa are among the collateral damage, but at least some good comes out of it: Nate gets tested for STDs, which, considering he spent the summer working his way through Chuck's little black book, is LONG overdue.

Janine, Lindsey and I dicuss what's necessary in a villain (and why Juliet and her prison buddy aren't cutting it), contemplate whether a shot of your boyfriend entering a clinic should prompt a conversation, chastise the professor who planned to trade a job for a date, and go WAY off the rails when it comes to fairy-tale metaphors. Hey, it was a long week. Stuff happens.

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